all the way home saturday, i kept thinking "the impossibility of it, the impossibility of it" because there is always something critical and desperate clawing, ripping and shredding, until finally we are not together.
to explain what happened this time would be pointless. and i would become defensive in my explanation, possibly even angry if you didn't understand. i could not find any reason for telling you why i had to leave, the urgency, the fear and expectation that something dreadful would be waiting for me.
not far from the truth, a near tragedy ensued, and lingered for a few days, now under control...but the complexities of it, the evolution of it over the immediate few days, played out like a grim film noire.
thus i am still left with the thought of "the impossibility of it..." meaning, having somewhat of a normal relationship between us, undisturbed, uninterrupted, unaffected. i am serving a life sentence.
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