am i a hypocrite? i profess to believe in the Lord and follow Christ, all of His teachings. He says in His Word "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God..."
He is not asking us to do this--He is telling us. he commands that we pray when our souls are full of unrest; that we pray, giving thanks for our blessings, and then let our troubles be known to Him. when we do this, "the peace of God, which surpassess all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." that is a promise. the Lord gives us these words of hope when we give our burdens over to Him. in His Word, it says we should pray incessantly, not just when we are in trouble, but as we are going through the day, like talking to a friend, in private conversation. He walks alongside of us, guiding us. when we pray for His wisdom, he will help us to cope. our problems may not be resolved, but He will give us the resources, the guidance, the strength to deal with them without feeling despair, without losing our way.
i have always had faith in the Lord. nothing has ever shaken my faith, or threatened my belief in Him. lately because of such overwhelming circumstances, my depression and hopelessness have been strangling me tighter and tighter, until i feel i cannot breathe.
and then yesterday i received a belated message from the chaplain i met while i was very ill in the hospital. i cannot explain how miraculous the timing of her words were, and the vivid memories they brought back of the brief but very intimate spiritual connection the Lord established between us a few months ago.
i remember that day....in the Surgical ICU, so many clinicians around my bedside, IV lines, monitors, chaos, so much chaos! i needed an explanation from the Critical Care Team of what i was up against. i was "not out of the woods yet, a delicate balance, a mysterious situation, but we'll get you through this..." as quickly as they came in, they all seemed to leave at once, and i had but a few seconds to think over what it all meant. i asked the Lord for His strength because i was so very frightened.
another parade of clinicians filed in, followed by a young woman. the Lord has blessed me with the gift of discernment so i immediately knew by looking into her eyes that she was not part of the clinical team. let's just say, she was part of the Lord's team.
she sat quietly while the clinicians finished, and after they left, she then introduced herself in a very soft voice. i did not hear her name, i only heard the word "chaplain", and i smiled. thank you, Lord. thank you, thank you, thank you.
she was faithful in her visits, always very humble, quiet, and at times we laughed so naturally together. each visit before she left, she asked if she could pray with me. she held her hand over mine, and wrapped her arm across my shoulder. i closed my eyes while she prayed from her heart to our Lord, her sincere and beautiful words of concern for my health, my family, my well-being. i wanted very much to pray for her, that her ministry touch the hearts of many, as it has mine. i wanted her to stay longer, but i knew she had other patients to visit.
when i was transferred from the ICU to a regular room, i did not expect to see her again. i thought she visited patients who were in critical condition. every day i wanted to call and ask her to come again, but instead a different chaplain visited me a few times. i missed my dear friend in Christ.
on the day i was discharged, intermittently during all my preparation for leaving, i kept searching for her. i walked all around the corridors of the floor, hoping maybe i would see her. i needed to say good bye to her, especially to thank her for being so kind and strong for me, for caring about me. i became very tired and went back to my room to rest. actually i wanted to be alone, so i drew the drape all the way around my bed and tucked into the chair beside me, so that it was almost airtight.
i'm not sure if i had fallen asleep for a while, or just closed my eyes to rest, but when i opened them, she was standing at the foot of my bed! perhaps i was dreaming, or a residual of the ICU psychosis, but no, it was really my chaplain friend! she came to say good bye. i was very happy, so happy to see her. she brought me a gift, and i was deeply moved. it was a beautiful shawl, a prayer shawl. i picked it up and held it close to my surgically removed bosom; very close to my heart. she asked if she could read the prayer which accompanied the shawl. i watched her face as she read the comforting words, and noticed that she had tears welling up in her eyes, as i did in mine...
"May God's grace be upon this shawl...warming,
comforting, enfolding and embracing. May this mantle be a safe haven...a
sacred place of security and well-being...sustaining and embracing in good times
as well as difficult ones. May the one who receives this shawl be cradled
in hope, kept in joy, graced with peace, and wrapped in love."
thank you, my friend. may the Lord continue to bless your ministry and touch the hearts of the ill, and bring to them the hope and comfort that you have brought to me. angelina
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